Rant

Mom says being depressed is a state of Mind, optional. I'm not really sure if I trust that theory but it seems fairly reasonable. After a recent run in with the world NOT ending I realized I've got to live a little..... This coming from the girl who spent January 2009 to December 21 2012 making my arrangements for the after life not saying the g word making sure that if anything went wrong and there really was a heaven that I would end up there. I found myself hoping that someone would just take me to therapy or choke it out of me. I was so embarassed that i worried about such things so ferociously . And it never stopped, i could never stop worrying.After nearly 3 years in constant panic mode, I've loosened up a little bit. I didn't have a full blown panic attack when my lovely sister announced we are living smack dab on the San Andreas fault line, so hey, it's a start. Right? I learned thru ruthless panic attacks that as much as I wish I could control these things, I can't. I'm not at all okay with that and still scares the poop out of me, but I realize it and I can almost except it. Almost. Of course, when the next doomsday date comes out, I'll do it all over again but that's okay. Well that was a good rant. Xoxo, Gossip girl wait???!!! No! XOXO, Violet